If you have just broken up with your boyfriend feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, stop feeling that way right now. There is no virtue or benefit in wallowing in self-pity. You should also resist the temptation to contact him by sending cards, letters, text messages or gifts at least for a few weeks. Furthermore, you will never get your ex-boyfriend back this way. That’s because men are not moved emotionally as much as women are, so all your efforts aimed at explaining your feelings and trying to touch his feelings are pretty much wasted.

What you should do is get a hold of yourself and calm down. For the next few weeks that you’re apart, focus on yourself rather than him. What you need to do is to develop yourself into the woman he cannot live without. And the way to do that is by being able to meet his emotional needs better than any other woman can.

Although I said that men are not as easily moved emotionally as compared to women, it does not mean that men have no emotional needs. It’s just that they do not express their emotions well, neither do they feel it as strongly as women do. ‘Emotional needs’ is different from ‘emotional feelings’. It’s your ex-boyfriend’s emotional needs that you need to learn how to meet.

Now a man’s emotional needs differ from that of a woman’s. A man’s greatest emotional need is for respect. So to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to figure out how to give him the respect that he craves. Respect may be a rather esoteric thing so let me explain how to do it in a practical way. You show respect by your words and actions of admiration, commendation, congratulations, applause, affirmation, honor and encouragement. If you are not the type that lavishes praise outwardly, do something about yourself. The best thing you can do to get your ex-boyfriend back is to praise him in as many ways as possible. I’m not advocating flattery, although a little bit of sincere flattery is good also; neither am I saying that you must lie through your teeth. But I’m saying you must show by your words and actions that you are his no. 1 fan.

So the most important thing to do is transform yourself into someone who freely expresses praise to others. Start with those closest to you like your own family members or close friends. They may think you’re suddenly acting different, but just keep going because in time everyone will accept that you have changed. Everyone deserves to be praised, affirmed, encouraged or commended about something at some time. Train yourself to be on the lookout for something good to say or do to someone that will make them feel good. "I like your dress," "You did really well," "You’re looking good today," "I wish I could _________ like you," "That hairstyle really brings out the best in your looks," "You’re so clever, I would have never thought of that," "Congratulations! You’re the best," the list is never ending.

Once you’ve got this habit down pat, use it on your ex-boyfriend. Just make sure it’s done sincerely. But do it as often as you can. If you are always the first to say or do something that shows how much you admire and respect your ex-boyfriend, he will see you as above everyone else. Believe me, this works because you are putting him ahead of your own interests and every man responds to that.

Now in order to ultimately get your ex-boyfriend back, you have got to meet up with him sooner or later. By now, a few weeks would have passed since your breakup. It would be too forward of you as the woman to ask your ex for a date outright. So you need to ask him to meet up but do it in such a way as though it is his idea or ask to meet him to get his help or opinion about something. Guys fall for this every time. That’s because every guy wants to feel superior. They want to be the one asking for the date or the one having all the answers. So think of something you can ask his opinion on. Perhaps a financial decision? Guys are generally better at numbers than gals. So think about your ex-boyfriend’s area of expertise and find some way to get him to help you out in that area. That will be an excuse to meet up he will not refuse. While he’s giving you his pearls of wisdom on the matter, don’t forget to lavish your admiration (sincerely) again.

If you play your cards right, you will gradually win back the heart of your ex-boyfriend. When the time is right, you can discuss deeper issues like your relationship with him. By that time, he will see you as his no. 1 fan and will gladly go back to you. Mission accomplished!