Dating after a divorce is tough. You don’t quite know where to start so here are a few internet dating mistakes and their solutions.

1. Too much too soon

So you have been ploughing through those endless profiles on your internet dating site and have come up with someone who interests you. There has been an exchange of emails. He sounds fun and witty and you begin to look forward to his messages. You find yourself getting up earlier in the morning just to log on whilst you drink your coffee to see if he has sent a response to your latest remarks. During the day you compile witty replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way. This has gone on for a couple of weeks and he suddenly asks if he can call you. Your chest expands; you are really excited and arrange a time. Now you are curled up in your favourite chair waiting for the call. Guess what it goes well, the same light banter, his voice is not what you expect but that is OK. You talk for an hour. This becomes a daily ritual which you begin to plan your time around. And then he invites you to dinner…

2. Throwing money at it

It has been a while since someone invited you out to dinner (you may be just starting dating after your divorce). Your immediate thought is what to wear, need my hair done etc. This means that you spend the best part of a week running around with the one thought in your mind “I must get this right”. You seem to have disappeared and you feel that you need to invent a new person to go on this date. In order to be that person you have to package yourself in some particular way. There must be some key that you can find, a particular dress, new haircut etc. You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing.

3. Thinking that you know the person

The evening has arrived and you meet at the arranged restaurant (good step, as all the dating advice recommends that you meet in a public place). You are especially nervous and excited but also slightly uncomfortable because the shoes are new and you feel a bit wobbly in them. It is strange you recognise this person but at the same time you don’t. The voice you know that but he does not look like the person in the photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly something is not as you imagined. Anyway he seems quite at ease but maybe that is just a contrast to how you are feeling. Initially conversation is going well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations but it isn’t going anywhere. By the main course you are starting to drink a little too much to fill in the silences. Your feet really hurt now and you are taking surreptitious glances at your watch – only 9 o’clock. No dessert thanks and by the way you have an early start in the office tomorrow so you have to go soon. Can’t think of anything but getting out of the shoes. Yes it was good, do call me…

4. Fantasy – it’s only in your head

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