Itís not your choice. You donít want it. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Your best bet is to try and make the divorce work for you. By this I mean donít let it destroy your life. Get the best settlement you can and start a new life. With or without kids, divorce often leads to depression, loss of self esteem, and can cause your life to go into a downward spiral.
The following are a few tips to help make divorce work for you and keep this from happening.
Get a lawyer. First and foremost get a lawyer, no matter what. Things might start out friendly and your spouse may say things like, "Weíve just grown apart", or "Letís try to keep this between us." Things donít always end the way they begin. A lawyer knows the ends and outs of the legal system and can advice you on the more detailed arrangements of payments and possessions. A lawyer can also lessen some of the emotional entanglements. Let them. Once the divorce is set in motion try to deal with the lawyers as much as possible.
Rehashing old wounds will not help. Revenge only hurts everyone in the end. Divorce is not failure. Donít think of getting a divorce as failure. Think of it as moving forward.
Taking the next step. The next chapter in your life. Divorces are all too common today. Marriage can be difficult and many people go down the wrong path. Admitting a mistake is not failure. Look at it as fixing a problem. Divorce is simply adjusting the direction your life is going in. Donít point fingers. Placing blame is useless. There is usually enough blame to go around. The old saying "it takes two to fight" is true. You donít have to forget the problems, just donít actively incite more.
In the end, it doesnít matter why you are divorcing, just that the marriage is over. Focus on the future. Maybe you were married for 10, even 20 years. It doesnít matter. The past is done. Concentrate on the future. Looking forward is a positive step and can be very cleansing. The future is a place where anything can happen and you are free to explore new possibilities. Donít forget the past, just donít dwell on it. Focusing on the future will help everyone, especially kids, deal with emotional issues with a calmer, clearer head.
Divorce is a major decision but it doesnít have to be a decision that devastates your entire life.