Divorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from moving forward into a new life. So it is fear we need to identify and then overcome. Fear inhibits forward motion
Fear debilitates. It acts as a paralytic agent that keeps us stuck. It inhibits any real forward motion. Fear, whether it is conscious or unconscious, is a non-believer: it refuses to see any good in our present situation or the possibilities of the future. It robs us of our self-esteem and confidence. It runs the mind chatter in our heads that continuously tells us what we cannot do, have or be. Deal with your personal demons
The trauma of divorce re-activates and exacerbates deep seeded beliefs about ourselves that we have held onto for years. If one held a belief that one was not really smart or capable enough, that belief is made all the worse by the divorce and one comes to fear their future. They believe that there is no possibility that they could heal their deep wounds and move forward with life. Our personal demons rise up and fear starts to run the show. It is the unknown that overwhelms us
We fear the future, the unknown. It is like looking into an abyss. How will I manage? What will I do? Where will we live? How will I pay the bills? What if my kids are taken away from me? Who will ever want to be in a relationship with me? Iím going to be alone all my life. It is the unknown that overwhelms us, not having the answers, not being in control of our lives. Accept the fact that we do not have all the answers
Look, hereís the thing about the future: nobody knows what is going to happen. Wall Street is built on predicting the future and yet all they really offer are educated guesses. We donít know what will happen tonight let alone next month or next year. Not knowing, not having all the answers is a simple fact of our existence. We must accept the fact that we donít have to have all the answers and that we cannot predict our future. All we can do is rise up and create a vision of what we would like our future to look like and then take the action steps to get there. Our future can be better than our past
We have no control over the future either. The fact remains: the only thing or person that we can control is ourselves. We cannot control the future but we certainly can plan for it. We can determine what we want and then take the steps to move us towards our goals. The future will unfold before us with our deep involvement and abiding faith that our future can be better than our past. Overcoming your fears Here are a few pointers on how to overcome our fears during and after our divorce:
1. Fear is a clue that we are stretching ourselves and entering new waters. We can use fear as a sign that we are on the verge of something new and different and most importantly, something that will help us to evolve into a better human being.
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