Emotionally, mentally and physical exhausting, grief for the loss of the person but they are still there, depression and anxiety, fear for the future, paranoia about almost anything, shock, anger, loneliness and isolation., loss of confidence and self esteem......then the dirty tactics start, you realize any promises made whatever they may be will not be kept.
Then the solicitor you appoint to help you get a fair share, totals up all the matrimonial assets and then know exactly what you can afford to pay for their services leaving you with little or nothing and expects you to be grateful, you realize that 'yours' and 'their' solicitors are working hand in hand prior to court not to get the best deal for their client but to barter for an agreement and if one party won't budge on something at all and demands simple clauses like " not being contacted at work or having their employers contacted" before they agree, what it really means is that when they fail to pay court awarded maintenance, you have to spend 8 years fighting a clause before you can get an Attachment of Earnings order ( which involves contacting their employer)
Oh boy is it stressful, if you survive and if you do you may still end up a gibbering wreck or an alcoholic or addicted to prescription medication or just not trusting anyone, so it totally changes your outlook, your relationships and in my case a total fear of any type of commitment.
It isn't long before you realize that court orders and judgments mean nothing and will not be honored by your ex or soon to be ex and the courts will do little or nothing about it....and that legal justice is non existent.
You notice married friends keeping away thinking you are all of a sudden after their husbands, people crossing the street so they don't have to speak to you, invites from friends drop off...so more paranoia sets in and so you avoid them.
What changed me? I joined a divorce recovery group at church. It was VERY helpful. They said you have to let out all your hurt. Never keep it in you because it’s like a cancer that spreads. Let it all out! Listen to the sad songs, cry, talk about it, and work on yourself to accept it all.
A friend of mine kept pushing me to go out, after a month i finally got out. My aunt drugs me out with her and her husband and all these other "couples". I felt like all were looking at me being lonely. But after I noticed that they could care less about me, I started to get more confident. I started to learn to enjoy myself. I'd go out to eat, go to the movies by myself. Felt like I was in control of my life. Started to feel proud, even. I couldn't have done it without the support and push of friends and family.