Many children grow up thinking that they were somehow to blame, that they somehow deserved the trauma that they suffered. That they were “bad” or just somehow “wrong”, and they carry these scars for life. Realize there is nothing you could have done, and you are not wrong or bad for suffering like that.

For past events there is one thing you can take responsibility for; and that is your reaction to it.

Do you perpetuate the cycle by doing it to others? Do you hurt other people, knowingly or unknowingly? Are you angry or spiteful? And do you justify it, consciously or unconsciously, by pointing to your suffering? Take responsibility for it; you are in charge of your own actions, regardless of your past. No-one can make you abusive or angry but you.

I went through an arsehole period of several months. I was angry and manipulative – I figured if that was what they did to me, so I would do it to others. I mistakenly saw it as the only way to get what I wanted, or to be respected or liked. It was a childish, painful, and hurtful phase of my life. I made the mistake of thinking that anger and rage was power.

Back to the issue of past pain. Do you relive it over and again? Do you live in self-pity or self-doubt? Are you depressed?

Take responsibility for your happiness. Learn to forgive. Clean out your anger, and your sadness. More on these at the Emotional Mastery section at the Urban Monk website.

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