Personal Development and Happiness: Releasing Sadness

Note: This article is part 2 of a series of releasing repressed emotions articles. The first dealt with anger. Some statements are relevant to both and are repeated in both articles. You can find the first at the Emotional Mastery section at the Urban Monk website.

In personal development, one of the main goals is to achieve happiness. What often stands in the way are “negative” emotions that linger on. Most people have some of these emotions, either repressed or lasting with no outlet.

In the first part of this personal development series, we dealt with repressed anger. If you have dealt with the anger, you probably have some sadness – situations usually bring up both, although the anger might “mask” the sadness. Usually you’ll find yourself grieving after you’ve released the pent-up anger.

Benefits of releasing sadness

It’s worth stating the obvious: releasing this sadness is a vital part of being happy. But it’s not that simple. Think of clearing your insides or painting a wall. Before you put a new coat of paint on the wall, you have to scrub away the dirt. This is part of the process. Lift the weight of your shoulders, and realise that repressed emotions, grievances, and so on are some of the biggest obstacles in the quest for a happy life, self-esteem, and confidence.

Understanding Sadness

Sadness, like anger, cannot really be termed to be negative. It is simply an energy; an emotion. A great analogy is that such emotions are like vegetables. When they are fresh, they are fine, when you hold it in for a long time, that’s when they become toxic.

It is normal to be sad when something happens – but many people, especially men, are told to repress it and not show it. “Boys don’t cry”. “Men shed blood but not tears.” It is one thing to wait until an appropriate time to show it, but do not hold it in or pretend it doesn’t exist. If you feel it, accept it, and if suitable, find a time and place to deal with it.

How to deal with Sadness

I think the only universal exercise for dealing with sadness is crying. Often times you need to do this a few times. Pain comes in waves, and often times one attempt won’t be enough to release all that pent-up energy.

There are many causes of anger or sadness; bad parenting, childhood bullies, and so on. Try to trace it back to the roots, understand it, try to give it a voice. This is vital - the vocal component is the most important.

Note: If it is something that you cannot handle, please do not feel ashamed to seek out professional help. And avoid self-destruction; numbing of the pain with alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviour. I went through a whole year of this and paid for this behaviour physically and emotionally for nearly a year after. And I’m one of the luckier ones.

Once you have that, find a safe location. Somewhere you can sob, cry, or otherwise act out your sadness – either alone, or with an understanding person. (Please note: If you are a man, definitely not your wife or girlfriend – even if you think she might understand – the damage to your image in her head can be irreparable.)

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