Russian in a family life

Social IssuesRelationship

  • Author Oksana Boichenko
  • Published March 17, 2010
  • Word count 1,096

Many visitors to the country often find it strange that even married couples live with their parents. It is common to find several generations within a family living in a single apartment. A lot of it has to do with the living situation - it is very expensive to buy/rent living quarters, so staying together with the family is sometimes the only option young people have.

During the Soviet rule, apartments were "given" by the state - depending on the time one worked in a company, depending on the type of the occupation (for example, people in the military often received living quarters from the state a lot easier than people of other professions), depending on the family (i.e. families with many kids were given priority in receiving apartments). Even though apartments would not be too big (only 5-8 square meters per person allowed), once "given" to a person, one would only have to pay monthly fees for commodities (water, electricity, phone, etc). Now the state budget for giving apartments has been cut down significantly and the number of apartments given out has been cut down as well, and the fastest way to get living quarters is to buy an apartment. However, it is nearly impossible for most people because salaries are rather small: an apartment costs starting from several thousand dollars, while most people's salaries are about $200-300/month. Naturally, such living conditions make people stick together, they have to learn to compromise and live in close proximity.

Most Russians get married young (18-22), it has always been considered the good thing to do, even despite being independent and having to endure difficulties through getting education, first jobs, etc. It is common for the newly married couple to stay with wife's or husband's parents, and it is very traditional for the parents to support their kids in the first years of marriage. Often parents continue to support their kids even after the latter move out and get their own jobs, since most jobs are not that well paid, and many parents work even when they are retired.

A couple is expected to have kids pretty soon after marriage - most people believe and insist that it is best to have a child at a younger age than to wait until one can afford having kids. In this case, grandparents are a big support - they help out a lot with things for the baby, babysitting, etc. Many businesses offer paid maternity leave and women can return to work up to three years after having a child; naturally, it is a lot easier to take such a long time off in the early stages of work than once you have reached higher positions or worked somewhere for a long time.

A single Russian bride over 25 is considered an old maid and it used to be that men would wonder what is wrong with a lady who is not married by that age. Being married young was considered the norm and it was done merely for social status and to give birth to kids. Recently the tendency has been changing - more men and women are interested in getting their education and becoming independent before starting a family. I believe, in part this has to do with economical difficulties of supporting a family - one person can make a living a lot easier than having to worry about a partner and kids, and in part is the influence these countries are gaining from Europe and the West. Such a shift has also helped more women to focus on career - you will see many more women driving, moving up a career ladder, becoming entrepreneurs, etc.

Of course, aside from gaining a certain social status after the marriage, a woman rarely gains much after becoming a wife - Russian men rarely make good husbands (at least, according to women's wants). Men almost never help in household chores - all cleaning, cooking, washing, taking care of the kids is done by women. Since a woman is always busy between a job and household duties, she rarely has time for herself. Men, on the other hand, can allow themselves to spend time with their friends watching soccer, going to bars, etc.

Naturally, with such a structure, infidelity is very common. There are many more women than men, so it is never difficult to find a woman to have an affair with. For men, having a lover (or better yet, several) is a sign of being a REAL man. At the same time, the society does not consider it respectable for women to be involved with married men, so women simply have to hide it better. Some may get appalled about such state of things, but as absurd as it may seem, I believe it happens because women are… hopelessly romantic. Secretly, almost every woman involved with a married man hopes that he will leave his wife and build a new family. At the same time, there is a drastically different category of girls - especially younger women - who are not so much interested in getting married, but rather grow up with an idea to find a rich man for a lover, who will provide her with a comfortable living. It often stems from the parents - many mothers, who are not happy in their marriage to ordinary "typical" Russian men instill it in their young girl's minds that in order to be happy with a man, a woman has to manipulate him into paying for her life. Cars, fur coats, and jewelry are very good indicators that a woman has found a good match, even if she might be only his lover and have no future of getting married to the person.

At the same time, even despite such a rough reality of life, many Russian women sincerely believe in love - the kind that will make life look like a fairy tale: this means finding a man who will be caring, loving, and giving. Foreign men are often described as such - because their mentality is very different from that of Russian men - and are in a way an equivalent of Prince Charming to the Russian ladies.

So, because of the way things are normally done in Russian families, marrying a Russian bride is in itself an almost 100% guarantee that you will find a loyal mate, a caring housewife, and a dedicated mother. Exceptions do take place, but for most women it is in their blood to be very giving and loyal to their families.

Oksana Boichenko

OksanaLove, Inc.

http://www.oksanalove.com

The matchmaker with 12 years of experience in the online dating business. You can find your second half - just visit our dating site and meet your Russian bride among the thousands of beautiful Russian women.

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