I've been around this world a long time, and I've seen a lot of things during my 77 years. I've been married 48 years. (It seems like only 47). Although I am a business coach now, I've been a therapist for over 30. . People come to me because they want to be happier and I help them achieve a happier life. You might say that I am in the happiness business. I've learned a lot.

I'm going to share with you, the number one secret of happiness. If you can't do this, you're never going to be happy. Life will be a struggle unless you have . . .

SELF-ACCEPTANCE. It means unconditional high self regard. It means loving yourself no matter what faults and imperfections you might have. No matter what mistakes you may have made. No matter how much your mother-in-law may criticize you.

You can't be criticizing yourself, putting yourself down, getting angry with yourself.

You might say, "I've made lots of mistakes. I've failed at a lot of things. I do not like making mistakes, I do not like failing. I just can't accept myself for that. I've got defects I don't even know I have. (Just ask my ex-wife.) Besides, if I'm satisfied with myself, I'll never get better, never improve. How can you possibly say, I should accept myself unconditionally no matter what?"

I urge you to look at it this way. I have here a brand new $100 bill. Do you want it? Of course.

Suppose I crush it up, throw it on a greasy driveway and stomp on it with my shoe and grind into the oil. Still want it? Of course.

No matter how wrinkled, creased, soiled and stained, this bill has lost none of its intrinsic value.

You are like this hundred dollar bill, except you are like a billion dollar bill. No matter how many mistakes you have made, no matter how many times you have failed, no matter how many times someone got upset with you; your intrinsic value never diminishes. No matter how wrinkled or dirty you are, your intrinsic value does not diminish.

Everybody wants to improve. Business owners want to market their products better and to improve the morale and productivity of their workers. We all want to be better parents; always say the right things to our children and be there for them. We want to be supportive and loving to our spouses and lovers. And of course, we want to reach the our goals!

What do many of us do when we do not reach our aspirations? Do you call yourself a failure? Get angry with yourself? If you do, you're probably doing this to motivate yourself to do better the next time. You mean well, but it's a very inefficient approach. True happiness will elude you.

Let me tell you a true story about a CEO of a large meat packing company. He was a very determined man and lost his temper easily. Whenever he did not reach his goals, he got very angry at himself. He would stay that way for days. He was irritable at work, and worse, he was irritable at home. He said that was the way he motivated himself. Because when he was angry, he became twice as determined and worked twice as hard.

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