Whether you just arrived at your new overseas posting, or are a long time seasoned expatriate manager with years of experience, I hope that his short paper will put a smile on your face.

Imagine that one day out of the blue a large ship, larger than one you have ever seen arrives. Big men, and strange beasts land on your land, brandishing modern weapons of mass destruction, riding intimidating four legged creatures emitting strange sounds, and demand that you turn over your riches, your land, your women and children.

The conquerors are small in number, but big in power. They have superior weapons, better tactics, are better educated and better built. Your numbers are larger, but you are no match to them militarily. Pizarro landed on the coast of Peru in 1531 with 168 Spanish soldiers and went on to conquer the Inca Empire of millions.

If the foreigner’s numbers are small and they plan to stay there for a short time, and if you know that it will be difficult for them to return, you should try to get as much out of them as possible. Tap into his knowledge, steal his weapons, rob his warehouses, and kill them if you can.

But, if the newly arrived conquerors look like they are there to stay, what do you do? You have absolutely no competitive advantage over them, except for local geographical knowledge. And time. Time is on your side. In time, foreigners come and foreigners go but the local population is there to stay. It’s always been like that, and it will always be like that. What do you do to survive?

There are two principals that have guided conquered people over history in their survival:

Principal One: The conqueror has absolute power over you. He can hurt/maim/kill you any time. At a whim. Principal Two: Under any circumstance, never forget Principal one.

Survival Guide for Conquered Peoples 101

How to survive and outfox the foreigner until he leaves?

On Everyday Guidelines:

Smile all the time. Smiling doesn’t hurt anyone. The foreigner might even smile back. Some of the foreigners that smile back might even think that you are sincere. The ones that are foolish enough to believe in your sincerity might be cajoled into helping you with special favors.

Always greet the foreigner first. Greet as many foreigners as possible. This will make them feel important. Since you are the one that makes them feel important they might look out for you.

Say “yes” all the time. To anything and everything. Even when you mean “no” say “yes”. Purge the word “no” from your vocabulary.

When asked or ordered to do something, always agree. Disagreeing could mean punishment or even worse, instant death.

On Work or Rather On How Not to Work

Of course, agreeing to do something does not necessarily mean that you will do it!

You can do the work slowly. The foreigner usually has deadlines he must meet in his own company/country. If you work slowly, his patience might run out. He will either try and do the work himself or ask others to assist you. Either way, you will have lightened your burden.

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