When I was 5 years old our family moved to Starkville, Mississippi.  My dad had secured a position as a research scientist at Miss. State Univ. that was simply too good to pass up.

Starkville was a small town like many other small towns across America.  Life was slow and safe and predictable. All in all, not such a bad place to live.

For the next 12 years I was a Starkvillian.  Like so many other young boys I spent most of my free time exploring the world from the comfort of a bicycle seat.

Life was full of adventures.  Looking back now, it resembled a series of Norman Rockwell paintings.

But it wasn't always so idealistic.  In fact, for over 20 years after leaving that small town I hated everything to do with Starkville.  I called it a nightmare existence in a God-forsaken town.

So why do you suppose I hated it?

I Focused On The Negative

Like children everywhere,  my wonder years consisted of good events, bad events, and many mediocre and neutral events.  Good times that made me feel good. Bad times that made me feel bad.  And many events stirred little emotional reaction at all.

However, my problem was that I discounted the good events, while elevating the bad ones. 

The painful events on my past became like anchors - the pillars of the past.  The defining moments of my life.

Certain events would happen, and rather than simply feeling the pain and moving on, I would suppress and repress those painful emotions.

Paradoxically, while I denied the feelings, I elevated the events.  I would take a painful situation and make it much worse than it really was.

I Embellished My Past

How do you embellish a painful past?  Intentionally exaggerate its stature and importance.  Like a playwright constructing a play, I would add drama for the effect it created. 

I would set the stage.  Get the lighting just right.  Play suspenseful music in the background.  Create a prologue -

"The story you are about to hear is true.  Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent..."

Like one of those old Dragnet TV shows!

I built it up any way I could.  I made it sacred.

And no matter what, I could *NOT* feel the feelings of those past events and let them go!  I needed those unresolved emotions to breathe life into an otherwise-dead past.

I spent way too much of my time giving CPR to a corpse of the past.  Ever given CPR?  It'll wear you out!  It's hard to do it for very long; it's just too much work.

Imagine doing it for decades.

I defined my life by those highly selective events of the past that were being kept alive ONLY by my emotional energy.

I Was Giving My Power To The Past

Thoughts and feelings are the very source of your power. Your power - your ability and willingness to act - comes about because of the constant stream of your thoughts and feelings.

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