If there is an issue with health and safety, you need to recognise your parents’ right to make their own choices but at the same time, you need to be firm and compassionate. Tell them that they cannot ignore what is happening and explain what options they have. This way, they may admit to the problem, knowing that there are community services that can help without them having to necessarily move out of their home.

Don’t talk down to your parents. Remember, you are all adults and you are not ‘parenting’ them. Treat them as equals and as having the ability to make lifetime choices whilst still capable. After all, it is their quality of life that is at stake. You may not agree with their choices, but unless they are impaired by dementia, they still have the right to their own decisions.

Discuss with your parents the importance of working as a team in meeting their needs and respect their concerns. Often, aging parents worry about being a burden to their family. They may also worry that their family may take over their lives so it is imperative that you lay some ground rules for mutual respect. This includes discussing limits so that there are no unrealistic expectations on either part.

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