When children are allowed to participate in a wedding, there are a couple of traditional responsibilities or roles that they are better suited for. While children are generally seen tossing flowers down the aisle, the duties of a ring bearer are often given to a younger individual as well.

Who Should Be the Ring Bearer?

There is no concrete tradition to follow when it comes to selecting a ring bearer. If the engaged couple already has a little one of their own, they usually become the first choice to act as ring bearer. Relatives and close family friends also make great ring bearers. When it comes to the ring bearer, some people hold the misconception that the responsibility is only entitled to that of a young boy, but girls may also hold the position.

Usually, the child selected is between the ages of four and eight, which will play an important factor the day of the wedding. You should weigh the pros and cons of choosing a younger child, who might look adorable strolling down the aisle, but may also prove more uncooperative in the long run. Younger ring bearers are notorious for becoming easily distracted and wandering off course.

To make the final decision, the engaged couple should talk it over with the parents of the child, who can shed light on their personality, maturity level, and temperament in regards to this type of responsibility. You never know when your first choice might even be too shy to carry out the role.

Also, just because you have selected a child and their parents give consent, it doesn’t mean that the child feels comfortable in becoming a ring bearer. It is important to ask for their permission as well. Young boys often do not want to become an active part of a wedding, which is better to know ahead of time before making any definite plans. It's an issue that is better left alone than forced.

The Responsibilities of a Ring Bearer

As you plan this part of the wedding, it is important to coordinate with the parents of the ring bearer and create a familiarity with the responsibilities and procedures that involve the child. Some of the factors to consider include:

• Attire: The matter of clothing and the cost is a matter that should be agreed upon ahead of time. Usually, the cost of the rental or purchase of the ring bearer's clothing is traditionally the parents' responsibility, but sometimes the engaged couple will offer to foot the bill. In matters of compromise, some parties split the costs. There are also decisions that come with the type of clothing the child will wear. Some couples prefer the ring bearer to dress in a mini-tuxedo that matches the ushers, while others would like their bow tie to match the color of the bridesmaids' dresses.

• Rehearsal: When it's time to have a rehearsal for the wedding, the ring bearer should be present, which will allow the child to get a sense of what to expect on the big day.

• Wedding Procession: Under tradition, the ring bearer precedes the bride, sometimes accompanied by a flower girl as a partner. During the procession, the child should know where their parents are so he or she will feel less anxious about the process.

• Carry Rings on a Pillow: Depending on your plans, the ring bearer will carry a satin pillow with two wedding rings attached. It is symbolic for the rings to be tied to the pillow, which are often fakes since the best man typically holds the real rings.

• Photos: Often, the ring bearer is part of the formal wedding pictures and should be available to take his place in the photographs when the time arises.