Pumping up the power on your truck is as fun and easy as pumping up your physique. Just like preacher curls, heavy bench-press reps and a diet of protein powder and creatine rip your muscles to the max; the right combination of performance accessories can do the same thing for your rig.
The best thing about body building is that it’s the only hobby you never put away. Fishermen stash their rods and tackle in a shed, bicyclists hang their steeds on a rack in the garage and knitters shove their hooks and yarn into a basket and slide it under the bed. If you see these people without their gear, you have no way of knowing what fires their passion. This however, does not hold true when it comes to body building. You can put the kidney belt away, shove the Bow-Flex in the closet—even stash the Thigh-master; but the bulging muscle always go where I go.
But hey, I’m not some simple muscle-head. When it comes to “getting my swoll on,” it’s more than developing prodigious pecks and gargantuan glutes. I also like to pump up the physique on my truck. Just like body building, hot rodding my truck is something I just can’t “put away.” Even if I’m out for a Sunday cruise, all that power—all that muscle—it’s always there, ready to display. In fact, there happens to be more than a few similarities between these 2 extreme hobbies.
The deep, throaty tone that rumbles from my dual exhaust pipes is just like me tearing up a muscle-tee with my 25” guns. Those extra-wide tires scream strength and stability, much like the frightening bulge of my thunderous thighs. And, the stylish bumper on my Dodge Dakota R/T serves much the same purpose as shaving my back and slathering up with oil—a true testament to unbridled power. Much like my obsession with relentless body sculpting, I can’t seem to stop pumping up the power on my Dakota.
The other day my fellow workout partner and hot-rod devotee, Johnny Thunder, turned me on to a new product. This is the closest thing to anabolic steroids for my truck that I’ve ever seen. Much like ‘roids, you just plug in to get instant results. I’m talking about the Hypertech Power Programmer III. This hot little unit mainlines my Dakota R/T with a straight shot of go-juice; powerful enough to make Lou Ferrigno lose his lunch. I’m talking the power and poise of Charles Atlas here. With the Hypertech in the R/T’s OBD port and a dumbbell in my hand, we are an unstoppable team.
Speaking of mainlining, I also installed a set of Venom performance injectors to feed that thirsty 5.9L Magnum engine. This little “kick-in-the-pants” added a whole new dimension to my morning commute, or “work out” as I like to call it. I get to the gym a hell of a lot faster now, giving me more time to sculpt my abs and forearms and giving the R/T more time to bask in the glare of envious stares.
The amount of power produced by this potent aftermarket cocktail is simply unimaginable, just like the power of my massive, python-like triceps. Now, I cruise around flexing 2 kinds of muscle—my well-toned beefcake flesh and my well-tuned American steel. We are here to pump you up!