The following techniques are used by serious and expert negotiators. Watch for them when negotiating. When they appear, know immediately that you are negotiating with an expert. Over time, you will find them becoming more and more a part of your negotiating style.

• When you have gotten most of what you wanted while remaining within your negotiating limits, stop negotiating.

You will almost always get about 80 percent of what you want; and trying to get the other 20 percent frequently jeopardizes the 80 percent you have already gotten. It may not be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but it is more than adequate for the good life.

• Never argue.

Remember, you are a negotiator and arguing only lets the other person know that you are not a first-class negotiator. Argue if you must; but understand that arguing is never an appropriate substitute for negotiating.

• If you can avoid it, never let the negotiations reduce to a single issue.

Avoid letting negotiations reduce to a single condition either on your list or mine. If necessary, reintroduce a condition that seems to have already been resolved. Why? If there is only one issue, then it quickly becomes a simple yes or no decision. In this case, there is no further room for negotiating; and a box has been created. One of us has to decide yes or no. It becomes a 'take it or leave it' proposition. If things get to this point, we are no longer negotiating. Keep enough issues 'on the table' to assure that there is always negotiating content or 'grist for the mill,' as they say.

• Remember that people do not want the same things.

You know someone is running a game on you if he/she says, 'After all, we want the same thing.' This is virtually never true. You want to actualize your interest and I want to actualize mine. We may have some shared or common interest; but we will also have some interest that are not shared. As a skilled negotiator, you will recognize and acknowledge both our shared interests and those interests we hold as individuals.

• Understand and mention my needs, problems, and interests.

When you do this, though, do not state them as facts. Say instead, 'If I understand, you have a problem (need/interest) that I understand in this way…' Once you have mentioned the problem as you understand it, ask me, 'Does it seem to you like I understand or do we need to talk about this some more so I better understand?' Always convey a sense to me that I, my problems, my needs, and my interests are important to you and are being taken seriously by you.

• Always keep your focus on task - on the negotiations.

Never shift focus to me or to personalities. Even when you are talking with me about your perceptions of my problems, needs, and interests, do so in ways that are related to our negotiations - to the transfer conditions.

•Focus on-task with flexibility.

If my style is to let the conversation drift, socialize, talk about other things, or to move away from task, 'go with the flow.' Always be personable, friendly, and interested. At the same time, though, look for opportunities to return to task gently, tactfully, and without becoming forceful or pushy.

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