High Self-esteem

There is one necessary and essential ingredient for happiness and success. It is high self-esteem. In previous newsletters, I have explained how your self-concept controls your performance. Simply put, if you think you are a loser, you will perform as a loser. If you think you are winner, you will perform as a winner. If you think you are mediocre, your performance will be mediocre.

High self-esteem is your armor against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, as Hamlet might say. High self-esteem is your armor against rejection, disappointment, and criticism that we all experience in our daily lives. If your self-esteem is high, you will shrug off rejection, disappointment and criticism. You will forge ahead to reach your goals and succeed.

The Answer to Attaining High Self-esteem

To have High Self-esteem you need ongoing positive attention from others. It is essential. Positive attention is called a positive stroke. Eric Berne coined the term "stroke" to denote a unit of human recognition.

Why It's Called 'Strokes'

Here's a true story that explains the source of the term, 'stroke.' An orphanage in Romania had 50 infants with only two nurses to care for them night and day. It took all the nurses time and energy to prepare the formula and feed the babies. They had to prop the babie's bottles up on a pillow, insert the nipple in their mouth and go on to the next baby. The babies were well fed, they were warm and kept clean. Outside of this, they received no attention. The mortality rate was enormous.

A solution was found When Renee Spitz studied the problem at this and similar orphanages. Autopsies of deceased infants revealed that the baby's spines were shriveled up. The doctors prescribed physical stroking for new babies. Volunteers came in and simply stroked each infant. These babies survived. From these studies, the term 'strokes' was conceived. Although the strokes given the infants where physical, the term was expanded to include psychological strokes because they have effects similar to physical strokes. A psychological stroke is any kind of attention -- a greeting, a look, a word, a gesture, or any act that says "I know you're here."

Strokes are essential Not only for high self-esteem, they are essential for emotional and physical health. The power of strokes varies from a weak nod from a stranger to intense love between lovers.

People hunger for strokes And will go to surprising lengths to satisfy that hunger. You need to have your stroke hunger satisfied to feel good about yourself and have high self-esteem.

Positive Strokes and Negative Strokes

Strokes are either positive or negative. Positive strokes are honest, direct, appropriate, and relevant to the situation. They leave the person feeling good, alive, alert and significant.

Positive strokes can be an expression of affection or appreciation: "You saved the day by finishing that report." "It's a pleasure to work in the same office with you."

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