Do you find yourself playing the "what if"-"if only"-"I should" game? Does this game leave you feeling tense and nervous or confused about how to get what you want, feel happier and have greater peace of mind? Read on and discover a three-step plan to reduce your stress and be happier now.
"Some people are making such thorough preparation for rainy days that they aren't enjoying today's sunshine." ~William Feather
To understanding what's causing your discomfort listen to what you're saying to yourself. Most likely every thought that causes worry focuses on what you don't want. Here are some common stressful thoughts: "What if I lose my job?"
"What will happen if my kids get sick?"
"I should be spending more time with my family." Notice how the statement "What if I lose my job?" is focused on not wanting to lose a job or "What will happen if my kids get sick?" is focused on your children being sick and not knowing what to do. Even a statement such as "I should be spending more time with my family" is really focusing on the time that was not spent with the family. Every one of those statements, and most likely any other thought that causes you to worry, is either focused on what you do not want or what you wish had not happened.
When you focus on what you don't want you can't help but play the "what if"-"if only"-"I should" game.
So, what exactly is the "what if"-"if only"-"I should" game? As human beings, it's perfectly normal to be concerned or to worry about things to a certain degree. The problem occurs when the burden becomes a major stressor that affects your sleep, your attitude, and your general happiness. If you find yourself constantly returning to the same set of worries, and if doing so makes you feel uncomfortable, restless and tense, you're a major-league player of the "what if"-"if only"-"I should" game.
This game almost always leads to a cycle of discomfort, confusion and pain. In fact, if you find yourself feeling uneasy and thinking about that same subject more than three times, you can almost bet this cycle has begun. Think about it. Worry causes stress. Stress affects your mood and creates problems with how you interact with the world. Facing these problems cause even more worry. Unless you learn to break the cycle, you may find yourself spiraling downward into the quicksand this cycle can become.
Breaking Free
Once you stop focusing on the things you don't want, and start working toward what you do, it's possible to escape this cycle and find genuine happiness. Rather than just waiting to stop playing the "what if"-"if only"-"I should" game and hoping that your concerns will go away, it's important to develop skills and strategies that will make it easy to identify and stop the cycle before it takes hold of your life. Just like a bad habit, excessive worrying is a pattern that can be broken with a little practice.
Here is a three-step plan that will immediately help you play a new, more rewarding game and easily escape from the burden of worry.
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