The above is a wee bit of an over-simplification of the process (for the sake of brevity); but hopefully you get the ‘gist’.

Most important to the process is the sharing of feelings! When we can learn to share our feelings with another and own them - it can be a liberating experience - for both or all involved.

What does this have to do with speaking with authority - speaking as to be heard?

The ability to share our feelings with another involves trust. It involves integrity and courage. Only the most crass of individuals would not be positively impacted when another person, regardless of the degree of closeness shared, trusts us enough to share at a feeling level. Only a totally obtuse individual would miss the level of integrity and courage it takes to share one’s feelings with another. It may take time - but over time - walls come tumblin’ down when persons who live life relating to each other - relate to each other from a feeling level.

The more I write, the more I realize there’s a lot of ’stuff’ here that needs more exploration and more explanation. I’ll get to that, but for now, I’m going to stick to “sharing how we feel with each other builds trusting relationships” and “trusting relationships” eventually lead to increasing levels of personal integrity. And personal integrity leads to a voice whose words carry the weight of authority!

In order not to turn this post into a novel of some length, I’ll close with a personal experience from my own journey.

I worked for one of the finest men I have known (actually two of them in the same corporation) who taught me a great deal. We were friends as well as working colleagues. He was my superior and knew how to ‘yank my chain’ to get what he wanted me to achieve. It took me a little bit to realize that he knew anger was a motivator for me. He would goad me about raising more charitable dollars until I got angry and then I would go out and do exactly that - raise more dollars!

But it took its toll on me and once I realized his strategy, I confronted him while on one of our monthly corporate staff retreats. I used much from the M.E. model and ended by sharing the feelings I had once I awakened to his ’strategy’. I recall saying, “Jim, I like and respect you too much to allow you to continue on a path that will destroy my respect for you and spoil a great working relationship!”

He was stunned! That statement opened the door to some great open, honest conversation and eventually to a plan to help him avoid ‘goading’ me. And it allowed me to gain from him a promise that I could ‘call him on it’ when I caught him in the act of ‘goading’.

Most of all, it led to a deeper mutual respect for each other; a deeper trusting relationship that made it possible for us to often share personal concerns with each other in order to seek advice and support.

Although he was my superior on the organizational chart, he viewed me as his peer. And when I spoke - he listened - with head & heart engaged.

Hopefully, this ’snippet’ from my personal professional history is a good example of what I’ve been sharing with you. I know there’s all kinds of ‘pitfalls’ in feeling-sharing. But for now - we’ll leave those on the table and take them up next time.

There is something about embarking upon the 2nd half of the journey that urges us to grow into a place where we find ways to be heard; ways to be taken seriously (if we haven’t in the past); and ways to gain the respect of others - allowing us to speak with the voice of authority.

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