Parenting through divorce seems to imply that there will be problems and struggles. Fortunately, there are some helpful qualities a child may acquire after a positive divorce experience. Focusing on the following qualities may help parents with some of the guilt associated with going through the divorce experience:

1. Learn to deal with change - Children of divorced parents often learn to adapt to changing circumstances more quickly than other children. This often reinforces a sense of inner strength and resilience.

2. Learn to express feelings - Throughout the divorce process children often have to deal with a wide range of emotions. This can facilitate a recognition of different feelings and ways to express them that are healthy.

3. Greater sense of independence - Children of divorce often become more responsible for themselves and their siblings and at an earlier age.

4. More likely to seek help - Children of divorce may have a more realistic sense of their abilities and weaknesses and may be more willing to seek assistance when needed.

Don't expect too much from your child. He won't be any better at making decisions or being responsible than he was before your divorce. He's still a child and his needs should come before yours or your ex-spouse's. If the practical side of parenting seems overwhelming, simplify your life to make more time for your child. Have easy meals, let some housekeeping chores go, cut back on outside commitments. Encourage your child to stay in touch with your ex-spouse's relatives. Continuing his relationship with grandparents and cousins will help him feel part of an extended family.

Eventually your child will begin to understand and accept his situation, especially if he sees that neither of his parents is falling apart. He'll always wish there had never been a divorce. But he may appreciate the calmness that often follows the breakup of a troubled marriage. In time, with both natural parents' love and involvement, he should adjust to his new family structure.