The need to write this article came about through the recent experience of two of my friends. Both had been fired. One for supposed poor performance (although she had never been counselled and at the time was in fact on sick leave) and one because the start up facility she was employed by, suddenly closed down. Both were senior managers. Both were loyal, hardworking employees but are now very angry and taking legal action against their former employers. Why are they so angry? One could say it’s because they have lost their jobs and this would be quite understandable. However, the main action that has triggered their anger and catapulted them down the legal pathway (in both cases), was that they were informed of their dismissals by emails. Yes, that’s right by email! They were never given the courtesy of a face to face discussion.

Many managers, when faced with the challenge of firing someone, forget, or are unaware of the emotions that are experienced by the person being fired. Nor are they aware of the behaviour that most often results from these emotions. It has been well documented that the death of a loved one, a marriage or long term relationship breakup and the loss of one’s job, have an equal and similar impact on one’s emotions. Think for a moment about the loss of one of your dear relatives or friends through death – how did you feel? That’s exactly the same feeling that people have when they suddenly and unexpectedly lose their jobs.

The psychologists tell us that there are 5 stages that people go through in this “grief cycle” – Shock, Resistance (often manifested as anger), Acceptance (of the current situation), Exploration (of new opportunities), Commitment (to a new future). Can any of these emotions be managed via email?

I can well recall the first time as a manager I had to fire someone. It was for poor performance and I was scared. I did not sleep the night before wondering what I would say and what would be her reaction. I carried out the interview in the morning with great fear and trepidation. I was not sure how the interview went, but was relieved when it was over and then took a break for lunch, but was unable to eat. I did not know about the “5 stages” at the time, I only knew that I had to do the right thing by the organisation and by the employee. I arrived back from my break to find a box of chocolates on my desk with a very nice note from the employee saying how much she appreciated my courtesy and kindness. I guess, intuitively I must have got something right.

Now, from years of experience, I know two things about firing someone:

1. Firstly, the person at all times must maintain his or her self esteem. This is one of the most basic and important needs that all people have (emailing someone, or even worse as I heard since starting this article, texting, sends a clear message that they are not worthy of a face to face discussion)

2. Secondly, it is vitally important to realise that all people will go through the five stages of the grief cycle (quite often at different paces) and as a manager, it is our role and responsibility to help them progress through these stages, particularly the first two that are likely to occur when they are still with us.

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