There are several companies that offer dating database only for divorcees, and doing very well too. While it is not suggested that one turns into a serial dater verging on obsession, it is also equally unhealthy to behave as though the sky has caved in after a marriage fails. There are people getting married at sixty-five and even seventy – so one need not lose hope and start thinking of a premature retirement in matters of the heart at thirty-five!

How to Begin it

There are no steps to be chalked out here. Every one of us is different. In fact, divorces happen just because the differences reach a point where they cannot be bridged anymore. Before you begin dating again, there are some check points that you may go through. These are not really ‘rules’, but just some thoughts that you may run over before starting out.

• Are you done with your past relationship? Your new date may not like it if you keep talking to your ex on the phone on your first evening out. If you are still wobbly about it, don’t start. Nor is it great to have a date with someone who keeps talking about the former marriage all the time. Burn your bridges first, get over your private grief in private, and then try dating again.
• Are you feeling guilty about it? This is one of the most common syndromes. A lot of people feel they are ‘cheating’ the partner they no more have. The marriage is over-- your spouse has left. There is no need to continue being faithful to a relation that has been legally and emotionally annulled. There is absolutely nothing wrong in liking or loving someone else now.
• Is it out of a ‘revenge’ or ‘exhibitionist’ motive? Some people want to teach their ex a lesson by going out with someone else as soon as possible. Such fleeting and meaningless relations can only bring pain. Go out only if you really want to. Do not feel pressurized by peer groups, well-wishers, or the presence of your lover within a ten-kilometre radius. You need not prove anything to anyone; just do what is best for the healing process.
• Dating and binge drinking should not be equated. You cannot splurge on human emotion; it is irresponsible and self-destructive at the same time. Serial daters often end up as sad and lonely human beings, with nothing to do on those endless nights and no one to really talk to. Your casual dates would not be interested in knowing you any better, and you would not know them enough to confide in them either.


Getting Started

How would you open your second innings? You are older now, at least mentally, and life has not been very kind to you. Below is a list of good starters and you may twist them around to suit your particular situation.
• Internet chat rooms are a good way of getting to know people gradually. You can try out any of the dozens of popular social networks. They all have divorcee- and divorce-related communities, where you may meet and interact with like-minded individuals.
• On the other hand, if you believe in a totally fresh start, then you can create a new identity and try to date with just about anyone who may or may not be a divorcee. A lot of people are trying out this option now, as they feel it is better to start with a clean slate. You are about to enter a new relation, and no matter how light it is, it is better not to carry preconceived notions with you.
• You may also contact an agency. There are several who specialize in dating for divorcees, and they would provide you with the necessary database as well. You may also choose according to locality, community, tastes, opinions, hobbies, income, and a lot of other options. In other words, the search for a partner can be highly customized, so that you are looking for that special someone among a well-selected few, instead of the world at large.
Stigma

There is still some stigma attached to dating, according to parental status, economic status, race and colour. But it is also true that the internet is giving you the option to stay away from such obnoxious people.