The fictional obnoxious co-worker Dwight Schrute on NBC's The Office is many things, including the owner of a family beet farm. He talks about beets; he eats beets; he told a joke involving a nun with a beet for a head. In short, he's a man who knows his property and takes good care of it. Hence, it only seems logical that Dwight Schrute would own a wood chipper.

Think about it: wood chippers are used for gardening, landscaping, and of course, farming. They cut and dice tree branches and trunks into sawdust and wood chips. They convert yard trimmings and general messiness into useful materials. A beet farm is bound to have these problems, particularly during the winter months when the season changes in Scranton, Pennsylvania. So surely Dwight, in all his common sense and beet farm dedication, must have purchased a wood chipper or chipper of some kind (some are compact for leaves only, others are heavy duty) to help him clear his beloved beet farm of debris and fallen tree limbs.

And why wouldn't he want to buy one? Newer models have mufflers and powerful engines, so they cut up your backyard without annoying the neighbors with its sound. Many chippers offer reversible feeding to help your engine avoid wear and tear, as well keep your chipper knives sharp. Others convert leaves into rich mulch for your plants. And I'm sure that Dwight has attempted to use his wood chipper to cut up leftover beets to make beet juice, without much success. I do not recommend putting anything in your chipper unless the instructions specifically state so.

Of course, since Dwight is so obsessed with safety, he would be wearing goggles and gloves while operating the wood chipper, as he should be. Chippers are not toys; they should be used with caution to avoid chopping anything other than backyard waste. Think of the same safety techniques Dwight would use, and apply them when using a wood chipper. You know he'd be proud. So be like Dwight-be responsible and turn your yard waste into something worth bragging about, like I'm sure he does to Jim Halpert when the phones are slow. Get yourself a wood chipper!